It has been a…

 

It has been an interesting couple of days. I had another CT yesterday. Matt came with me even though I told him multiple times he didn’t have to. He can always lighten the mood, especially he knows how frightened I am. With the pancreas surgery, the multiple ER visits, and the emergency splenectomy I have a horrible phobia of the hospital. My small veins do not do me any favors and make any IV insertion a horrible experience.

The CT revealed that I still have a fluid collection from my pancreas surgery in December, which means I will have to keep the drain in another 2 weeks. While we were waiting to hear the bad news Matt had fun creating a chicken out of a towel. You either hate us or love us.

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It was a good day after that, matt knew I was disappointed about the drains. I have had them in for a month now and it is just a pain to keep them.  We spent the rest of the day running errands and a night snuggled up on the couch which I believe there is nothing better.

Today, Matt left for work and I got a phone call a few hours later. He asked if I was home, and suddenly my heart was in my throat. He said I suddenly had my chance, “My chance for what? Whats wrong?” He told me he blew out his back.  In that moment nothing else mattered. He has been taking care of me for months now and in that instant nothing else in the world mattered but him.

Things have been so up in the air the last few weeks. I have to get back to work soon, one of my jobs tomorrow, and I’m scared. I’m scared of my relationship changing with matt because I’m not sure he will be staying here any more since I’m not exactly sick any more. I worry a lot it’s a problem. Something about me being able to take care of him, him allowing me to take care of him settles some of my fears.

I know life has a way of working its self out everything has been so hard over the last couple years I just want them to work out (I would say the right way, but I look back and know everything happens for a reason) I just want to hang on to happiness for a while. I want my significant other to feel better, I want to feel better and I want to live life for a while.

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